Holiday Joy Without Comparison

How to Enjoy the Holidays When You’re Making Less Than Your Friends

Navigating holiday gatherings when you're feeling financially pinched—especially if friends or family seem to be spending freely—can feel especially tough. It's easy to feel out of place or anxious about keeping up, and you’re far from alone in this experience. Recent studies show that nearly 70% of Americans feel financially stressed during the holidays, with many people worried about overspending and staying within budget.

The best gift you can give yourself during the holidays is to approach the season staying grounded and focussing on what truly matters. Here are ten tips keep the joy in your holidays without the stress of comparison. The first five tips focus on cultivating a positive and empowered mindset, while the remaining five offer actionable financial strategies to keep the season manageable and enjoyable.

Mindset:

1. Define a Personal Theme for the Holidays: The holiday season is about creating meaningful moments with loved ones. Yet, without a guiding theme, it’s easy to lose sight of this spirit amid external pressures and comparisons. A theme allows you to approach the season with a unique intention. Maybe this holiday season is all about welcoming new people into the fold, inviting neighbors, friends, or extended family members to celebrate alongside you. If you’re feeling especially nostalgic, consider a theme of cherishing family stories and history. Take time to swap tales from past holidays, look through old photo albums, or even host a “memory night,” where each person shares a favorite holiday memory. This can foster a sense of continuity, honoring the past while creating new traditions. Another year, you could center the season around celebrating music, dance, and the arts—whether that’s caroling together, making your own ornaments, having a family talent show.
   

   When you set the tone for what you want to experience together, it becomes easier to embrace the holiday spirit without being drawn into material comparisons.

   
   

2. Remember Everyone Has Challenges: While your financial situation may feel difficult, others around you may be facing their own struggles—whether it’s family conflicts, health challenges, or work stress. The holidays offer a special chance to find warmth in each other’s embrace, particularly when times are tough. Simple acts of kindness, a listening ear, or just being present can make a world of difference.

   
   

   Instead of focusing on what’s lacking, this is a time to connect over what we share: our human experiences, our support for one another, and our ability to find joy in the little things. Embracing this perspective can help you feel less isolated, more connected, and grateful for the love and support that surrounds you.
   

3. Remember Appearances Can Be Deceptive: It’s easy to feel like you're falling behind when others seem to be effortlessly enjoying the holidays, spending freely, and living it up. However, appearances can be deceiving. Many people, even those who appear to have it all together, may be dealing with financial struggles behind the scenes. Whether it’s managing debt, navigating family tensions or spending disagreements, or coping with job insecurity, the pressure of the season can weigh heavily on everyone—even if it’s not visible on the surface.
   

   Even those who seem to be spending without a care might be relying on credit, carrying hidden debts, or facing financial pressures you can't see. In fact, nearly 60% of Americans use credit cards or debt to fund their holiday purchases, meaning many of the seemingly carefree holiday celebrations could be built on financial stress.
   

   Instead of comparing your situation to others, focus on your own goals and financial journey. Take pride in the thoughtful choices you're making to prioritize your financial health and well-being. By staying grounded in your own path, you can avoid unnecessary stress and embrace the season with confidence, knowing you’re making decisions that support your long-term happiness and peace of mind.

   
   

4. Redirect Conversations if Needed: Holiday gatherings can sometimes lead to awkward or uncomfortable conversations, particularly when the topic turns to finances, personal struggles, or other sensitive issues. If the conversation starts to veer in a direction that feels uncomfortable or puts you in a position of comparison, it’s perfectly okay to gently steer the discussion elsewhere. You might redirect the conversation by asking about people’s favorite holiday traditions, their plans for the new year, or any recent travels they’ve taken.
   

   It’s also important to establish boundaries for certain topics that you prefer to avoid. Setting clear guidelines about what’s off-limits can help create a more relaxed and respectful environment for everyone. Before the gathering, you might share a gentle reminder with your guests, either through a group message or during the event, that certain sensitive topics, like religion, politics, or money, are best left out of the conversation. You can present this in a lighthearted way, such as, “Let’s keep it light today, and talk about good food and fun stories!” Setting these conversational boundaries not only helps you maintain your peace but also fosters a more harmonious atmosphere for everyone involved.
   

5. Seek Support if Needed: If you find that the financial pressure or emotional stress of the holidays is becoming overwhelming, don’t hesitate to seek support. Talking to a therapist or financial advisor can provide valuable guidance during a challenging time. Sometimes, just having a neutral person to talk to can help you process your feelings and gain perspective on the situation. Professionals can offer specific coping strategies to navigate the stress. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, not weakness, and prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being is crucial during the holiday season.
   

Finance:

6. Plan a Holiday Budget—and Stick to It: Set a clear, realistic holiday budget that covers gifts, outings, and any extra holiday expenses. Be mindful of your current financial situation and avoid stretching yourself too thin. Use budgeting apps if you need help tracking your spending, and don’t hesitate to adjust if needed to keep your financial health front and center.
   

7. Opt for Thoughtful, Low-Cost Celebrations: Consider creative, meaningful gifts like a framed photo, handwritten letter, or homemade treat, which are often more appreciated than high-cost items. For gatherings, suggest budget-friendly activities like a movie night or potluck, so you can enjoy the holiday spirit without overspending.
   

8. Offer Your Help in Place of Purchases: Instead of purchasing expensive gifts or items for holiday gatherings, offer your time and skills. If you’re talented at something, like baking, crafting, or organizing, consider offering those skills in exchange for presents or to contribute to the holiday festivities. Set up decorations, cook a dish, assist with clean-up, coordinate holiday activities, or offer a hand with errands. Your time can be just as valuable, if not more so, than anything you could buy. Bartering your help can significantly reduce financial strain while fostering connection.
   

9. Pool Resources for Group Gift Exchanges: If your group is open to it, suggest pooling resources for a shared experience, like a group dinner, a fun activity, or even a collective donation to a charity everyone supports. Setting a cash limit ensures that the exchange remains affordable for all and takes the pressure off trying to outdo one another with extravagant gifts. Another creative option is to have each person offer an experience, skill or talent they can share with others. This is a great way to focus on the value of shared knowledge and personal effort. Plus, everyone walks away with something unique and practical.
   

10. Prioritize Shared Experiences Over Things: Consider proposing a "no-gift" holiday gathering where the focus is entirely on quality time and shared experiences, rather than exchanging material items. This can be a refreshing way to celebrate, as it encourages everyone to be fully present in the moment, without the stress of finding the perfect gift. You can place a jar under the tree with notes from everyone with personal stories, something meaningful, or something fun like game ideas. This approach can create lasting memories that are far more valuable than any gift could be.

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